


It’s Been A Long, Long Time

by Hollow_Heartsxx



Category: Avengers, Avengers:Endgame - Fandom, Bucky Barnes - Fandom, Marvel, Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes - Fandom, Steve Rogers/Peggy Carter - Fandom, Stucky - Fandom, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, Bottom Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes’s Metal Arm, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, I LOVE STEVE, I love Bucky, I love Peggy, I love endgame but I’m still a little hurt, M/M, Metal Arm Kink, Realization, Rimming, Top Bucky Barnes, stucky smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-03
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2020-02-08 13:32:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18624256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hollow_Heartsxx/pseuds/Hollow_Heartsxx
Summary: WARNING: SPOILERS FOR ENDGAME! Steve tells Bucky his plans to leave. Bucky has to let him go but not before confessing his love to Steve.





	1. Endgame

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: SPOILERS FOR ENDGAME!! I’m still hurt from Steve’s ending so why not add more pain? I’m also happy for everyone, there’s no bad blood or hate on my part. Everyone is entitled to an opinion. I love all of the characters. Also I left it open ended so if I should continue, let me know in a comment what you think. 
> 
> Follow my tumblr @ HollowHeartsxx

Bucky felt a dull pain in his chest, holding back his emotions and keeping a straight face and his composure during Tony’s funeral.

Steve was holding back tears and just standing there, quiet and alone as he mentally said goodbye to his friend.

No matter what, Tony was always someone Steve admired. He was a true hero, someone who fought for people and for peace, no matter what the cost.

He never expected to lose him so soon but at least, he was finally resting. The thought left a bittersweet taste in Steve’s mouth.

Once the funeral was over and everyone was saying their goodbyes, Steve and Bucky locked eyes.

Bucky was standing by Sam, while Steve was saying goodbye to Pepper.

She thanked Steve for going and once they said goodbye, Bucky saw Steve approaching him and Sam.

“Hey Cap”

Sam said, voice soft and sympathetic.

Sam knew Steve was hurting and he wanted to be there for him.

“Hey Sam”

He said softly before looking down then looking back over at Bucky.

“Hey Buck. How are you feeling?”

Steve asked, knowing that Bucky never got to fully say goodbye to Tony and to apologize for all that happened. That was going to stick with Bucky for a long time.

“I’m okay, what about you?”

Bucky asked, feeling almost awkward talking to Steve after so long.

Five years. It had been five years since everyone disappeared, since he was taken from Steve yet again.

“I’m alright. Do you mind if we talk, alone?”

Steve asked politely, hoping Sam wouldn’t take offense to it.

”Sure thing, i’ll be with Rhodey”

He said, patting Bucky on the shoulder before nodding his head at Steve and walking away.

“Let’s go over to the bench, where it’ll be a little bit more private”

Steve whispered, earning a small nod from Bucky who just followed suit.

His hands were in his jacket pockets, his whole body tense as he walked behind Steve.

_What was this?_ He hadn’t spoken to him since he got back and now he wanted to? It felt....odd.

Once they arrived at the bench, Steve sat down and then Bucky, leaving quite a bit of space between him and Steve.

“What did you need to talk about?”

Bucky asked, looking down at his lap then over to the water in front of them.

Steve took a deep breath before sighing softly and biting his lip, looking at the water as well.

“When I went in the ice all those years ago, I had just met the love of my life. After I lost her a few years ago, I thought I could move on. She gave me her blessing to move on. These five years after Thanos first attacked, I spent it trying to understand how to move on. I gave people hope that it was possible to move on, but not me. I couldn’t do it, Buck. I still can’t. I lost you, over and over again, no matter what I did to save you. Something happened and you kept getting ripped away from me. That changed something inside of me. Changed the way I think and see things”

He whispered, his voice raw with emotion and sadness. All of the emotion he had been hiding for the past few years and he could only show it to Bucky.

He looked over at Bucky who was now looking at him with curious and sad eyes. He nodded for him to continue.

“I think that maybe, now that everything is done, with everything that’s happened, there’s a chance to start over. To not move on but to have a fresh start and live the life that I needed to live”

He whispered, his words worrying Bucky more and more as he kept talking.

_What was he saying?_

“What are you saying, Steve?”

Bucky asked, voice soft and almost panicky.

“I think I’m going to go back, Bucky. To live a life with Peggy and to finally see what I missed out on all these years”

He whispered softly, and Bucky instantly felt like he got stabbed in the gut.

Steve wanted to leave. To be with Peggy Carter. The love of his life.

_Those words stung Bucky’s heart._

“You what?”

He asked, voice low and angry.

Steve looked down and away from Bucky, refusing to make eye contact. He knew that if he looked at Bucky, he would be heartbroken and he would fight the urge to want to follow his heart.

“You gotta understand, Buck. I’ve been fighting all my life, I need to step away and just live my life. I gotta do what makes me happy, for once”

He whispered softly, his brows furrowing as if he even doubted his own words.

Bucky was confused, angry, hurt and scared.

What would a world without Steve Rogers be for him?

Empty and alone. Loveless, lifeless.

“Have the past few years not meant anything to you?”

Bucky asked, voice soft and hurt, making Steve look up at him with sad, widened eyes.

“Wh-what?”

He asked, his brows furrowed at Bucky’s question.

“The past few years, did they mean anything to you? You saving me from Hydra, from Tony, from the fucking government. It was always just you and I against the world, Steve and now, you’re telling me you’re leaving to live a life that is going to make you happy? Do I not make you happy?”

He asked, his voice breaking slightly at the end although he wasn’t anywhere close to tears.

He loves Steve. More than anything.

Steve was staring at Bucky like a puppy who had just been stepped on.

Of course Bucky makes him happy but....Peggy. He never got to see what could’ve been. He needs to know.

“Of course you make me happy, Buck. You’re my best friend, you’ve always been important to me. I just need to do this, for myself. I’m tired of living a life where I don’t have a place. I’m stuck in limbo, not knowing what I’m going to do with my life. I need to make a decision that will benefit me for once. You and I, we’ll never get to live a life together. You’ll find someone that makes you happy and then what am I left with? Nothing, just a memory of what could’ve been. You and I, our time is up, Bucky. I know you’re safe, so I need you to let me go. To let me live a happy life”

He whispered, voice soft and low as Bucky felt himself shake softly.

He felt his world falling apart, crashing down around him and he couldn’t do anything about it.

_He had to let Steve go. He wanted Steve to be happy._

He couldn’t be selfish, couldn’t let his love for him to get in the way. But he had to tell him.

He looked down and nodded his head gently, knowing Steve was still watching him.

“I want you to be happy. If being with her is what’s going to make you happy then who am I to stop you? You always did look at each other with eyes that said I love you ten times over. I could never give you that. What I went through all those years, it broke me, Steve. Took 20 years for them to break me and brainwash me. Do you wanna know what kept me strong all of those years?”

He asked, not waiting for Steve to respond.

“You were the one thing that gave me strength, hope. That little guy from Brooklyn that I fell in love with all of those years ago, he became someone else. You became someone else, Steve. Even with all of that, I still love you. I always have and that’s why it hurts me to let you go but I need to let you go. I need you to be happy”

He whispered, needing to say the words so he could convince himself it was the right thing to do.

Steve was staring at him with wide eyes and a soft rosy blush on his cheeks as he processed what Bucky had just said.

“Bucky...”

He whispered, earning a stern shake of the head from Bucky.

“Don’t, Steve. Don’t do this to yourself”

He whispered softly, feeling his chest tighten as he held back tears now.

His Stevie....he wasn’t going to be able to take it. Losing him. It would drive him closer to insanity.

Steve sighed softly, his eyes glassy from tears he held back, not knowing how to feel.

_Bucky loves him. That’s a revelation._

Ever since he was a boy, he had always remembered seeing Bucky like his hero. Loving Bucky more than anything and appreciating and cherishing his presence.

Then he met Peggy and he fell in love with her. Always got lost in his thoughts of what could’ve been.

“Sorry for interrupting, Cap. It’s time to get the stones back”

Sam whispered softly, walking behind them, hoping he didn’t interrupt anything too important.

“Thanks Sam, we’ll be right there”

Steve said, earning a soft “Okay” from Sam before he walked away.

“Buck, I don’t want to leave while we’re on bad terms”

Steve whispered softly, hopeful that Bucky wouldn’t hate him.

_I love you, Bucky_.

Deep down, he knew he loved Bucky. But he also loved Peggy. He needed to do this.

“We’re all good, Steve. We should get you and those stones back.”

Bucky said, smiling a fake smile that earned him a soft sigh and a nod from Steve.

“Okay Buck”

He whispered softly, getting up, Bucky walking ahead of him as if to get away from him.

He needed to get this over with, to have Steve leave already so he could go on a long hiatus. He needed time to heal. He honestly doesn’t think he’ll ever heal from the pain but it’s worth a try.

“Cap, over here”

Sam said, Bucky standing over to the side now, face visibly upset and sad while Bruce powered up the quantum tunnel.

Steve walked over to Bruce, listening to everything he told him about how to return the stones before walking over to Bucky.

“Don’t do anything stupid until I get back”

Steve said, his words making Bucky smile sadly at him.

“How can I? You’re taking all the stupid with you”

Bucky whispered, eyes getting glassy as he looked at Steve before they hugged one last time.

_Fuck, that hurt more than he expected._

He pulled away, Steve smiling sadly at him before walking away and saying his brief goodbye to Sam.

Steve then went to go stand on the panel, looking at Bucky while Bruce started counting down.

As Bruce and Sam looked at the monitor, Steve and Bucky looked at each other one last time.

When the last second approached, Bucky mouthed one last thing to Steve before Bruce sent him off.

_I love you._

Steve’s eyes widened and then he was gone. And so was Bucky’s heart.


	2. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Steve leaves, Bucky has a hard time coming to terms with his decision. (I also have no idea if I should include Steve next chapter and actually make this a fic. Let me know guys :))

* * *

Those baby blues staring at him, shocked and saddened by Bucky’s final words managed to haunt Bucky for nights to come.

He didn’t get his Steve back. He didn’t get to live a happy life with him.

That was all gone.

The punk he knew that never ran away from anything, ended up running from everything.

 _How could he leave me? How could he choose her instead?_  

All those years, Steve always told people to move on. Became a beacon of hope for everyone that it was possible to move on, but he stayed stuck in the past. It was impossible for Steve to move on from what could’ve been. 

Yet after everything Bucky and Steve had been through, Bucky was still in shock that Steve had chosen Peggy.

Granted, she was the love of his life but, maybe he just thought he meant more to Steve than he actually did.

He spent his days moping around, secluded, shutting everyone out. He now lived in his hut again in Wakanda and suddenly, this was home.

Not the home in Brooklyn with Steve in their one bedroom apartment, their beds pushed together so they could sleep comfier. No, this was his new home.

He had his goats back, the children still stopped by and talked to him and he played with them until they had to go do chores or school work.

Everything was right in his life, except Steve.

Steve was gone. Steve had chosen his path and Bucky wasn’t a part of it and that hurt more than a thousand deaths. Hurt more than all of those years of torture when he was captured by Hydra.

He was empty inside, a void that nothing and nobody could ever fill except for Steve.

“ _Stevie_...”

He whispered softly, feeling the sting of tears threatening to build up in his eyes. 

Fuck, he missed him so much.

His beautiful blue eyes, his pink lips that Bucky wishes he could kiss over and over again, his sass that always made Bucky frustrated yet made him fall more and more in love with him.

He missed everything about Steve and the emptiness in his chest, it proved Steve took part of Bucky back with him when he left.

Bucky needed to get over it, needed to understand and move on. Isn’t that what Steve essentially did? Move on? He chose to leave Bucky, he chose to be with the love of his life.

_Fuck, that still stung._

He sighed and rubbed his hand over his face in frustration, then walked over to his dresser and took out his small notebook that he had been carrying with him all the way since he remembered who Steve was. Since he pulled Steve out of the water and saved him, since he found out the history behind him and Steve.

He opened the notebook and flipped through a few pages before stopping on a picture covering the page. It was a picture of Steve, well, of Captain America saluting. The first picture he ever got of him from the museum he visited way back when.

He flipped through the pages and the next picture was on the page. It was a picture of Steve and Bucky, smiling and laughing after he had gone back to the camp with Steve. He remembered the way Steve had been so excited that he got him back, so relieved.

_What happened to that, Steve?_

Bucky felt tears running down his cheeks before he ran a fingertip over Steve’s smiling face.

_I miss that smile, that laugh, I miss you._

He closed the notebook and put it to the side before he felt himself break down, soft sobs being the only thing heard in his hut, along with the occasional bleats.

He laid down, his vibranium arm taken off since he was in the privacy of his own home. He didn’t feel the need to put it on. It was a weapon, but Bucky isn’t.

He wants to live a peaceful life, to walk away from the fight and just be happy.

He paused, furrowing his brows in thought,

_That’s exactly what Steve wanted._

He wanted a fight free life. A life where he just had to worry about being happy, normal.

Bucky sulked in his bed, sighing softly because he had no right to hold that against Steve.

Sure, he was hurt by the decision Steve made but it’s what they both need. To move on in their own ways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment, Leave Kudos if you liked. I have no idea what I should do with this fic. To Continue or not. Let me know that and if I should include Steve and his story line next chapter.


	3. You’ll never know how many dreams I dream about you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Steve leaves and goes back to 1950, he talks to Howard and Peggy and then, he realizes what he’s known all along. (I do not follow the rules of time travel at all since they didn’t either in the movie so bare with me)

Steve had made his way back to 1950, 5 years after he had first gone into the ice.

Peggy was still an agent of S.H.I.E.L.D., her and Howard working together to make S.H.I.E.L.D. the huge organization it would eventually grow to be. 

Steve had gotten rid of the quantum suit, storing it away before he went to go look for Peggy in the camp that he remembered so well. 

_This is where Captain America was born, or at least the thought of him._

It was a bittersweet moment, causing Steve to feel anxious, excited, and nervous all at the same time. What would Peggy do once she saw him? 

He walked back into the building hidden in plain sight, luckily he knew his way around still. 

He walked in, sneaking and taking the elevator to the floor where Howard and Peggy usually worked.  

_Fuck, Howard. How would he explain this to him once he saw him? They will want to know, will want some answers._

The elevator finally arrived at the floor, the door opening and voices could be heard, although they were none that he could identify. 

He had a hat on and some sunglasses, his usual incognito getup that never fucking worked. Nat and Bucky always teased him for it, even though they did it too. 

He smiled fondly at the memory of them, his heart still aching for the loss of Nat but he knew she would be happy for him. For finally getting a life. 

He was snapped out of his thoughts when he saw a young Howard Stark, just like he remembered, working on some project that he couldn’t really see.  

He was talking to someone else, some man he had seen around the office when he was here. He was looking down at some blueprints, explaining something in great detail before he looked up and spotted Steve who was standing across the room. 

He looked like he had seen a ghost, like he was going to have a fucking heart attack. 

“Hey, let’s wrap it up for now, yeah? I gotta take a minute, my head’s throbbing”

Howard said, looking away from Steve as the other man said okay and quickly gathered his things before walking away somewhere else in the office. 

Howard slowly walked up to Steve, almost hesitantly before gasping softly. 

_It was really him._

“Captain?” 

He whispered softly, eyes narrowed as he tried to make sense of what was happening. 

“Howard”

Steve said, his Captain America voice sounding low and authoritative. 

Howard started visibly freaking out, taking deep breaths, his eyes widening as he took in the sight of Steve.  

“What the—? How did you get out of the—? Where-? When did you get back?”

He asked, causing Steve to smile softly at his rambling. He knew this was coming. 

“If it’s alright with you, id like to maybe have this conversation privately” 

Steve said, causing Howard to nod before motioning for him to follow. 

He led Steve to his office, offering him a seat before locking the door and walking over to sit across from him. 

“So I know you have a lot of questions but I feel like I can only tell you so much. I don’t want to mess things up too much”

Steve said, earning a confused look from Howard. 

“Mess things up? What are you talking about?”

“I came back, from the future. I know it sounds crazy but hear me out, Howard. I went into the ice in ‘45, and I stayed on ice until 2011. I woke up after they found me and everything was different. It had been 66 years of me being on ice and suddenly, everyone I knew was gone. You were gone, I thought I lost Peggy but she lived a few more years. I got to meet with her before she passed. It was a lot to take in, to try to understand”

He stopped, looking at Howard who was looking at him with the most intense look. He was listening and gripping every word the Captain was saying. He nodded for Steve to continue and so he did. 

“I was met by the former Director of S.H.I.E.L.D., future Director now, technically. He was a great man, who really helped me get used to the changes in the world. S.H.I.E.L.D. had always been something I wanted to be in, to help out in since you and Peggy helped found it. Well, Hydra took over once Peggy retired and we had to take down S.H.I.E.L.D., to burn it to the ground figuratively.”

Still, Howard was looking at him so intently. 

“S.H.I.E.L.D. was taken over by Hydra? How did that happen?”

He asked, earning a soft huff from Steve. 

“I can’t disclose too many details. I can only tell you what happens, but not in great detail. I need you to believe me so I need to tell you all of this”

He said, earning a swift nod from Howard who was eager to know more. 

“Hydra also had someone try to kill me, someone who they also injected with a super soldier serum” 

He whispered, the memory of Bucky tugging at his heart strings. 

“Who? Did you know them?”

Howard asked, realizing how hurt Steve looked. 

He nodded, looking down slightly. 

“It was Bucky, Sergeant Barnes. After he fell from the train, they fixed him up. He lost his arm, so they gave him a prosthetic arm made of metal. They made him into a weapon, they brainwashed him for years and years to try and get him ready to help them take over S.H.I.E.L.D.”

He whispered, his voice raw as he talked about Bucky’s past. He had never disclosed it to anyone so it hurt him thinking about the pain Bucky went through.  

Howard whispered a soft ‘shit’ before sinking back into his chair, rubbing his face with his hand. 

“And what happened to Barnes? Did you kill him?”

He asked, almost noticing the change in Steve when he asked that question. He seemed offended.  

“Of course I didn’t kill him. He remembered me, couldn’t finish his mission. I was his mission and it had been the first mission he had failed to complete. He couldn’t kill me, and I could never kill him. We got him the help that he needed, and they wiped everything Hydra put inside of him. He’s at peace now, I think. I hope he’s happy right now” 

He said softly, leaving out the part where Bucky wasn’t happy that he decided to go back. 

His hurt eyes, those last words he mouthed to Steve. 

_I love you._  

His heart still stung at that. 

“So why did you come back then, Captain?”

Howard asked, genuinely curious as to why Steve made such a big decision like that. 

“For Peggy. I missed our date“

He said, earning a sad smile from Howard. 

“All the time I spent without her, I thought of what I could do to move on. Nothing made sense until I talked to her, and she told me I should move on. That she lived a life, and she regretted that I didn’t get to live mine. None of it was her fault though. Then I found Bucky and I suddenly had hope again. That not everything was lost for me”

He said, making Howard raise an eyebrow at his words before relaxing his face again as to not show any sign of question. 

Howard was beginning to think that there was more than Steve was letting on. Something that had to do with Sergeant Barnes. 

“Steve, I would really recommend talking to Peggy. She, well she can tell you more of this herself but her life has changed quite a bit ever since you went into the ice years ago. She’s found herself”

_Found a life without Steve Rogers._  

He wanted to say but he couldn’t bring himself to be the one to tell Steve that. 

“I’ll have her come in here. You guys can talk in private while I step out”

Howard said, earning a confused look from Steve before nodding his head.  

He was beyond nervous. All he kept thinking about was Bucky too. The lingering “I love you” was in the back of his mind, tugging at his heart. 

He made a quick phone call before Steve waited a few minutes before he heard a quick knock on the door and a voice he remembered all too well. 

“What is it, Howard? I’m a bit—“

She stopped her words right there as her eyes met Steve’s. 

Her beautiful eyes widened, her mouth letting out a soft gasp before closing the door behind her slowly.  

She reached for her gun before Steve held up his hands. 

“It’s really me, Peggy”

He whispered, his heart swelling at the sight of her.  

_ She was still so beautiful,  my Peggy. Bucky is beautiful, too. My Bucky.  _

“Steve...”

She whispered softly, breaking him from his thoughts, earning a hopeful look from him. 

“Yeah?”

He asked, voice soft and curious. 

“You’re—you’re alive”

She asked, her words hitting him deeply. That was exactly what she had said to him when they saw each other after all those years. 

She walked up to him, wrapping her arms around him before he caught her, holding her tightly as she cried in his arms.  

“I’m here, Peggy” 

He whispered softly, tears falling down his cheeks as he held Peggy for what seemed like hours.  

He missed everything about her. Her touch, her voice, her smell, her words that always resonated with him, her head strong personality. Everything.  

“How did you—? When did you—?” 

She asked, pulling away to get a better look at him.  

“I’ll explain everything, Peggy. Let’s just sit down”

He said, putting his hand on the small of her back before she took a seat. He knew this must be too much for her to handle in that moment. 

——

He finished telling her everything he had told Howard, adding a few more details to her questions but ultimately she was shocked. 

Everything that happened to Steve, he really had lived a life. And the way he spoke about James, well she knew there was something there. 

He was hurting, something was wrong but she couldn’t quite pinpoint what had happened. 

“And as for you and James, why is it that every time you mention him, you look as if someone kicked your dog?” 

She asked, earning a soft chuckle from Steve. 

Peggy could always see straight through him, knew something was up before even he knew. 

“I told him that I wanted to come back, to see if I could live a life that I had missed out on, with you. He was hurt by my decision, I could tell even if he tried to be supportive. He asked me if I even cared about him considering I was leaving him after finally getting him back. I fought to keep Bucky by my side for so long and I left him, Peg”

He said, voice getting emotional as he looked at him with sadness in her eyes. She nodded for him to continue.  

“Before I left, he told me he loved me. Like truly loved me. Had ever since we were young and stupid. I didn’t know what to say but he didn’t let me say anything, told me to just come back with you. I left and the last thing I saw was him saying ‘I love you’ to me before I came back. The pain in his eyes was more than I had ever seen. Even after Hydra had him, there was never that much pain in his eyes. I hurt him, Peg”

He whispered softly, venting everything out to Peggy as she grabbed his hand and squeezed it gently.  

She smiled sadly at him, with sympathetic eyes. 

“You love him, Steve”

She said, matter of factly.  

_Steve looked puzzled, of course he loved Bucky. He was his best friend._

“No, Steve. I mean you are  in love with  him. It’s obvious, darling. Your eyes are screaming it, but you just haven’t let yourself accept it yet. I could be wrong but really, when am I ever wrong?”

She asked, earning a breathy chuckle from Steve. 

_In love with Bucky?_

Sure, he thought Bucky was beautiful, and just perfect in every damn way but in love with him? He had never thought about that. 

He hated losing Bucky, it hurt him more than anything he had ever felt in his entire life. Losing him after his fall, losing him after the fall of S.H.I.E.L.D., after he went back into cryo, after the snap.  

Every single time he lost Bucky, he lost himself. He lost his heart. Yes, he loved Peggy but he also loved Bucky. 

He never felt the need to compare the loves because they were both so near and dear to his heart. 

Peggy was the first woman he ever loved, the first woman who believed in him besides his ma. 

Bucky....well he had been there through everything. He always believed in Steve, even when Steve didn’t believe in himself. Bucky was his saving grace, always. 

He got Steve out of some really hard times, showered Steve with love and kindness every time he was around him. 

Their petty little fights about who forgot to take out the trash, and who left their shoes on the ground again. 

Steve missed that. He missed Bucky. 

_He loved Bucky_. 

“Holy shit”

He whispered breathily, earning a wide smile from Peggy.  

“See? You’ve known it all along, Steve. Known that Bucky was it for you. I would’ve loved to have had a life with you but maybe in another life. In this one, you belong with James. I’m engaged to a man who I do love, Steve. I love you, I will always love you but we need to follow our paths in this world. Your path is James and mine is right where I am now”

She said, smiling sadly at Steve who was looking at her with a newfound respect. 

She was letting him go, so he could be with the real love of his life. With Bucky. 

“Peggy...I-thank you. Thank you for this”

He whispered softly, smiling sweetly at her before grabbing her hands and kissing them gently. 

“Anything for you, Steve. Now go back home to your boy, I’ve taken you away from him for far too long. And do me a favor?”

She whispered softly, looking at him with stern eyes. 

He nodded, listening intently at what she was going to say. 

“Don’t dwell on the past. Move on and focus on your future with James. Don’t let something you can never get back ruin the one good thing you did get back”

She said and that resonated with Steve. 

This was what Bucky had told him the whole time. He needed to move on. 

_ Fuck, he was such a fool for not listening to Bucky.  What if he lost him, forever?  _

“I won’t, Peggy. I promise”

He whispered softly before she grabbed his hands and stood up, pulling him with her. 

She pulled him into a hug and smiled sweetly at her, a painful yet happy moment for them. This would be the last time he would ever see Peggy again. 

“I love you, Peggy. Thank you for everything you did for me all these years”

He whispered softly against her ear, hearing her sniffle slightly. 

“Of course, Steve. I love you, too. Now go, and try not to get lost on your way back home”

She said, wiping a stray tear off of her cheek. 

He smiled before looking at the watch that was still on his wrist, pressing the button and making the quantum suit show up on his body. 

She raised an eyebrow at how it looked,

“Nice suit, looks nice on you”

She said teasingly before he shot her a slight glare and a fond smile. 

“Thanks, Howard’s son designed it”

He said, making her brows raise slightly. 

He set his watch back to 2023, weeks after he originally left. He hoped it would be the right time. This is his last shot. 

“Bye Peggy”

He said, smiling softly at her, happiness and sadness both overwhelming him. 

“Bye Steve”

She whispered, her eyes looking at him with that same fondness she always regarded him with. 

In the next second, he was gone. Gone back to the present day, to find his Bucky. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave thoughts and Kudos if you like. Thanks guys!


	4. There’s so much I feel that I should say....

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Bucky finally talk.

Steve had made his way back to the present day, and with one look at the time frame, he saw he made it back 3 weeks since he had been gone. 

Three weeks since Bucky thought he had left him for good.

_You did leave him, Steve. If it wasn’t for Peggy knocking some sense into you, you wouldn’t have realized any of this._

He mentally slapped himself for that. He knew Bucky was hurt and that was the last thing Steve ever wanted to do, hurt his Bucky. 

He arrived at the panel, that was now alone and unmanned. Nobody was around to see him come back, maybe that was for the best.

He had to find Bucky now.

He made his way back to Sam’s house, knocking on the door to see if maybe Bucky was staying with him. 

Three knocks later, the door opened with a confused Sam standing behind it. 

“Steve? What the hell happened to you?”

He asked, regarding Steve with a shocked yet happy look before pulling him in for a quick hug. 

“Sam, where’s Bucky?”

He asked, a bit breathy as Sam looked at him with a raised eyebrow. 

Sam knew the shit Bucky was going through, how Steve leaving had fucked with his head. It caused him to become more like the assassin he used to be and not the Bucky he should be. 

_Quiet, reserved, distant, lifeless._

Sam loved Steve but he was also angry at the fact that he hurt Bucky without a second thought. 

“I don’t think he wants to see you, Steve”

He said, voice hesitant as Steve looked at him with pleading eyes. 

“Sam, please. I need to talk to him, can you tell me where he is?”

He asked, voice a whisper, this time it was him begging. 

Sam looked at him with sad eyes, making him step inside of his house before closing the door. 

“You do know how long you’ve been gone, right? Three weeks, Steve. Bucky hasn’t been taking this too good. He’s locked himself out, locked everyone else out. Doesn’t wanna talk to or see anyone. He’s hurt. Hell, I don’t know how blind you have to be but that man loves you, Steve. Did you ever see that?”

He asked, tone a bit more gentle now that they had gone inside to talk more calmly. 

Steve shook his head, looking down almost shameful. 

“I never knew. All I know is I’ve loved Bucky all of my life. I love  Peggy, she’s the love of my life but...I think Bucky’s the love of my life, too. She’s the one that got away, the one that I fell in love with but wasn’t meant to be with. Bucky’s the one who always remained by my side. The one who fought to be with me, the one that life kept bringing back to me. I’m meant to be with Bucky and I’m a fucking idiot for not having noticed it before”

He said, voice low and ashamed as he whispered softly. 

He had finally voiced all of his thoughts and emotions and Sam was looking at him as if he had already known all of this. Like he was waiting for Steve to realize it. 

“Steve, you and Bucky are meant to be together. If he still wants to see you, he’ll talk to you. If not, then you’ll know because he’ll kick you out faster than you can even say hello to him”

Sam said, earning a sad humorless chuckle from Steve. 

_That sounds like Bucky._

“So does that mean you’ll help me, Sam?”

Steve asked, eyes hopeful as he looked over at Sam. 

Sam scoffed before smiling at him, rolling his eyes. 

“When have I ever not helped you?”

He asked, earning a genuine smile from Steve and a shrug as if saying “You’re right”. 

“He’s in Wakanda, living in his old hut. He wanted to isolate himself after you left. I tried talking to him but he just shut me out. Shut mostly everyone out, just stayed to himself. I can let T’Challa know you’re looking for him so he’ll expect us. He can keep a secret”

Sam said, earning a slow nod from Steve. 

_Could he face Bucky again after leaving him?_

What if he hates him? What if he tells him to go away and to never talk to him again? 

His heart wouldn’t be able to take that. 

_Serves you right for leaving him._

“Let’s go get him. Let’s call him when we’re on the quinjet”

He said, earning a sigh and nod from Sam. 

“You’re the boss”

He mumbled softly, earning a small smirk from Steve. 

—————————————————————

They made their way to Wakanda in a few hours, T’Challa meeting them where the quinjet landed. They weren’t far from the palace. 

“Your highness. Thank you for agreeing to this”

Steve greeted T’Challa politely, shaking his hand firmly, earning a small smile and a nod from the Wakandan King. 

“The white wolf has been in seclusion for too long. He’s wallowing in self pity and I know he’s stronger than that. You need to make things right, Captain.”

T’Challa said, voice stern yet there was a kind undertone to it. He cared about both Steve and Bucky and he wanted them to work things out. 

“I know, I need to talk to him. Get him to forgive me. Thank you for always taking care of him and welcoming him with open arms”

Steve said, earning a nod from T’Challa. 

“He is from Wakanda as far as I am concerned. This is his home, he is always welcome here”

He said, earning a sincere smile from Steve. 

“That means so much. If you’ll excuse me, I need to go talk to Bucky.”

He said, earning a curt nod from T’Challa before he looked back at Sam who was still standing by the jet. 

“I’ll be back in a bit”

Steve told Sam, earning a small encouraging smile and nod from him. 

Steve walked off, heading to Bucky’s hut that was about a mile off from the palace. The walk gave him time to get his thoughts together, figure out what he needed to say. 

How do you start apologizing to someone after leaving them for someone else? 

Truth is, you don’t. You face your mistakes and try to correct them. 

Steve already fucked up and left Bucky but he was going to fight for a second chance. He couldn’t lose him. 

After walking for a few minutes, he saw Bucky’s goats and his hut, and his heart started racing. 

He was nowhere to be found. Maybe he was inside. 

He walked up slowly, the door closed and he hesitated. 

_Fuck, what if Bucky shut the door in his face?_

He frowned slightly but shook the negative thoughts away, bringing his hand up and knocking on the door gently. 

He heard a soft rattle from the inside of the hut before the door opened, revealing a slightly disheveled looking Bucky wearing a white and blue robe with his vibranium arm removed. 

He looked exhausted, yet still so beautiful. His grey blue eyes held a sadness there that killed Steve. 

_He hurt Bucky._

Bucky looked at him, brows furrowed in what Steve couldn’t tell if it was anger or sadness. He’s guessing it’s both. His lips were slightly parted, before he licked his lips and closed his mouth. 

“What- are- why are you here, Steve? What do you want?”

He asked, voice sounding colder than Steve expected. He winced slightly at his tone but he deserved it. 

“I came back. Can we talk? Please?”

Steve asked, begging Bucky with his words and his eyes to please give him a chance. 

Bucky glared at him slightly, sighing softly before stepping aside to let Steve inside of his home. 

“Thank you”

He whispered, walking in to see Bucky’s small hut from the inside. He had been there before but not since before the battle in Wakanda. It had been years.

He looked around and saw how clean it was, as if Bucky never stopped cleaning. One thing he does remember is that Bucky is a stress cleaner, making everything around him spotless when he has too much on his mind. 

“So why did you come back? What happened with Agent Carter?”

Bucky asked, voice surprisingly calm and collected. His face was passive, not letting his emotions show at all. 

Steve sighed softly, biting his lip. Where does he fucking start? 

“I went back, 5 years after I went into the ice. I talked to Peggy, told her all about how I found you. She realized I wasn’t happy, that I wasn’t all there. She knew I left a part of me back here. It was you, Buck. I left you behind and that was the worst mistake of my life. She even told me that I was in love with you. That it was obvious and that I needed to get my shit together. Told me off for leaving you, said I should move on from the past and focus on you. On our future. I realized that after all of this time, all of the fighting we did so we could be with each other again, it wasn’t for nothing, Bucky. I need you with me. I can’t be without you and losing you time and time again, I can’t go through that pain again. I love you, Bucky. I’m in love with you, have been for all my life. Was just too stupid to see it. It’s always been you” 

Steve whispered, looking up at Bucky who was looking at him with wide grey blue eyes and a small pout on his lips, his eyes misty as he listened to Steve’s words. 

_Fuck, Steve wanted to kiss that pout away._

There was an overwhelming silence for who knows how long before Bucky finally spoke up. 

“You still left me, Steve. You left me for her when it was always me who had your back. I always took care of you when you were sick and small, made sure you didn’t go dying on me. I couldn’t lose you, Steve. I fought everyone who tried to mess with you to make sure they wouldn’t hurt you. I did everything I could to protect you, Steve. I always put you first, always made sure you were safe and loved. I knew how unhappy you were growing up, how useless you felt and seeing your smile, that made every double I ever worked worth it. I was always exhausted, working my ass off to pay our bills so you would never have to worry about anything and I did that because I loved you. I survived all of this time, because I loved you. You are what kept me going”

Bucky said, his voice breaking slightly as Steve looked at him with wide, tear filled eyes. 

_His heart broke as Bucky spoke more and more. How could he have been so stupid?_

“I’m sorry, Bucky. I know I can’t undo it but I want to do right by you. Please, let me fix this. I love you, I don’t want to lose you”

Steve whispered softly, Bucky looking up at him with sad, tear filled eyes. 

“I love you too, Steve. But I can’t forgive you right now. You left me, you willingly left me behind when you knew I needed you. I can’t be second best to Peggy Carter, I cant compete with that. I won’t compete with that. She was right, Steve. We need to move on from our past. You’re the only part of my past that I haven’t let go of”

He whispered, looking down at his hands as Steve looked at him with a panicked and broken expression. 

_Bucky was giving up on him. He was giving up on Steve and on his love for Steve._

Steve felt like he couldn’t breathe, almost as if he was a 90 pound asthmatic all over again. 

Steve shook his head slowly, soft sobs escaping his mouth. 

“Bucky, no. Please, don’t do this. I can’t lose you, I can’t”

He whispered desperately, stepping forward to try and touch Bucky before Bucky stepped back and away from Steve. 

_That broke him even more._

“We were supposed to be together till the end of the line, Buck”

He whispered, voice weak and soft as he looked down for a second then back up at Bucky. 

Bucky finally looked up to face Steve, his eyes showing betrayal and sadness. 

“The end of the line was when you decided to go back to 1950 with Peggy Carter”

Bucky whispered, voice cold and broken.

Tears were streaming down his face, but he had a hardness to his stare that Steve knew all too well as the pain of betrayal. 

“Bucky, please. Don’t do this. Give me a chance to make this up to you. I love you”

Steve whispered softly, stepping closer to Bucky and cupping his face, making Bucky’s eyes widen, as his lips let out a soft gasp. 

Bucky was speechless, he had longed for this, for Steve to touch him and to say he loved him but he couldn’t get over the fact he left him. 

_Not right now, at least._

“I can’t forgive you right now. I’m not saying it’s impossible but right now, I need time, Steve. If you decide to go and not come back, then that’s on you. But I’m not ready to jump into this right now. You really hurt me, pal”

He muttered, his voice softer and filled with pure sadness now. He sounded tired, dejected and it broke Steve’s heart. 

“Whatever you want, Buck. If you want, I’ll give you all the time in the world. I’ll never give up on you. I meant what I said, you’re it for me. You’re all I want”

He whispered, caressing Bucky’s cheek with his thumbs, making Bucky’s eyes flutter slightly, making his lashes look impossibly long and beautiful. 

How could he have ever thought to leave this man? Just looking at him gives Steve a reason to want to be alive. 

Bucky grabbed Steve’s hands gently, pulling them away from his face and holding them in his hands before looking up into the blonde’s baby blue eyes. 

“Three weeks, Steve”

He whispered softly, making Steve look at him with slightly confused eyes. 

“It’s been three weeks since you left. Give me three weeks to think, no looking for me. No coming here at all. Three weeks of distance and then, we’ll see where things go. I can’t promise anything, just give me time”

Bucky said, his voice sounding serious yet there was a hint of hope in there somewhere, or it might have just been Steve’s imagination. 

Steve nodded, way too quickly, squeezing Bucky’s hands gently. 

“Whatever you want, I will do, Bucky. I just want you to be happy. I mean what I say, and if I have to remind you every day for the rest of our lives that I love you, I will”

He said, earning a soft smile from Bucky that left as quickly as it came.

“After the three weeks, you’re free to do whatever you want. I won’t stop you from speaking freely, Steve. Just know that I need my space to get over this. But don’t stray too far away”

He whispered, the last part so softly that Steve probably wasn’t meant to hear it. 

“I’m not leaving. I’m staying in Wakanda, gonna probably stay either in the palace as a guest or I’ll rent a place in the city. I’ll keep my distance though. I’ll give you time, Buck”

Steve said, bringing Bucky’s hands up to his lips before kissing them gently. 

Bucky looked at him with such disbelief and in awe that he looked like he didn’t quite believe that this was happening. 

He gulped rather loudly before looking down at his hands. 

“You should go, Steve. I gotta feed the goats and then get dinner ready”

Bucky said, pulling his hands away before looking away bashfully. 

Steve nodded, missing the feel of Bucky already. He was getting needy but he couldn’t push him. He promised to give him time. 

“Okay. Three weeks. If you need anything at all, I’ll be close. I’m still here for you. Just reach out to T’Challa or Sam if you need anything.”

Steve said, earning a nod and a soft smile from Bucky before getting up and walking to the door. 

“Bye Buck”

Steve said, looking back once before walking away, biting his lip to keep his emotions in check. 

Once Steve left, Bucky sighed, letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. 

It took all of him to not just jump into Steve’s arms, to kiss him and cry about how much he missed him. 

Steve came back for him, that melted Bucky’s heart but he can’t get over the initial heartbreak of him leaving for Peggy Carter.

A beautiful, strong, hard working and perfect woman who Steve loves. 

Why did he come back? Did she not want him anymore? 

His love for Bucky didn’t matter, it came between Steve and his happiness. 

Suddenly, Bucky felt....bad. Guilty, almost. 

_What if Steve lost his one chance at happiness because of him?_

He sighed softly and decided that he would leave the questions for the next time he saw Steve. 


	5. So kiss me once and kiss me twice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Bucky finally reunite, feelings come out. Brief smut scene ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please read notes at the end!!!!

Two weeks. It had been two weeks and a few days since Steve had come back and two weeks since Bucky last saw him. 

Bucky would be lying if he said he didn’t miss Steve. He missed him a fuck ton.

He felt a strong urge to be with him, as if he couldn’t function without seeing Steve and that terrified him. 

How could he still be so dependent on Steve when he had left him? 

Yeah, he should let it go but it haunts him, all of it does. He just doesn’t feel like he’s good enough for Steve. 

He can’t get it out of his head that he ruined Steve’s happiness. Bucky was programmed to destroy on command, and eventually, to essentially destroy Steve Rogers. 

He needed to talk to him, to get answers to his questions. He wasn’t mad at Steve anymore, he just felt guilty. As if he was holding him back. 

He loves Steve, always had and always will but he needed to make sure Steve had thought everything through. 

They had a few days left to go but truth is, he needed to see Steve. Needed to see how he was doing. He fucking missed him, call him weak if you want to but Steve was Bucky’s life and he couldn’t give up on him so easily. 

He showered and got ready, dressing in some tight black jeans and a grey muscle shirt, paired with his black combat boots. He put his arm on, putting on a hoodie so he wouldn’t stand out so much. 

He wanted to be slightly inconspicuous while heading into the city. He didn’t want the kids to stop him and try to play with him. He loved doing so any other day but he couldn’t get distracted right now. 

He called T’Challa, finding out that Steve was staying in a guest room in his palace and that he was currently in the gym, working out. 

Bucky sighed softly, biting his lip before making his way to the palace. 

He was so nervous, what if Steve wasn’t ready to talk yet? What if he had realized that Bucky ruined his one shot at happiness? What if Steve _hated_ Bucky? 

He frowned slightly at his pessimistic thoughts but after a few minutes of walking, he made his way to the palace, having been granted clearance to head to Steve’s room. 

He was escorted by some of the Dora Milaje, before closing the door and looking around the room. 

He was nervous, his stomach turning slightly. He felt cold, his heart racing, almost beating out of his chest. 

_Was this a mistake?_

He sighed softly and looked around, seeing some of Steve’s clothes laying around in a messy pile. They looked like they were clothes he had already worn. 

A soft looking baby blue sweater caught Bucky’s eye before he walked over to it, his fingers softly caressing the fabric of the sweater. 

He missed Steve, so much. He missed his smile, his voice, his touch, his smell. He missed those long nights in which they had to sleep pressed up against one another because their heater didn’t work. 

His throat felt tight, like he wanted to cry. 

He picked up the sweater, pulling it close to his chest before smelling it gently. 

It smelled like Steve, his unique and addictive smell that made Bucky feel at home. 

_Steve was Bucky’s home. He always had been._

He hugged the sweater tighter to his chest, before hearing the door open, a sweaty and panting Steve stepping inside, dropping, what Bucky guesses is his gym bag, carelessly. 

Bucky turned around quickly, Steve locking eyes with him as soon as he turned around. 

He looked so beautiful, wearing only a white muscle shirt and a pair of khaki colored sweatpants that fit him just right. 

He had grown his facial hair out, going for the beard again like he did a few years back. 

There was a sheen of sweat all over his body, his arms, neck, chest and forehead covered in it. It made Bucky want him even more but he had to focus on the situation at hand. 

“Bucky, I didn’t expect to see you just yet”

Steve whispered breathily, his excitement obvious as his eyes visibly lit up when he saw Bucky. 

Bucky swallowed thickly, his eyes trailing all over Steve’s body, before finally settling on his face. Those beautiful blue eyes staring into his soul. 

_Focus, Barnes._

“I needed to talk to you, didn’t feel like waiting”

He mumbled, earning a soft smile from Steve. 

“You never were one to be patient, I’ll give you that”

He whispered lowly, smiling fondly before earning a soft smile from Bucky. 

“And I’ll give you that. That hasn’t changed at all”

Bucky whispered, Steve’s eyes looking at him with fondness and curiosity.

“So what did you need to talk about, Buck?”

Steve asked, voice soft and curious but not pushy. 

Bucky sighed softly and looked down, biting his lip before looking up at Steve through his lashes. 

“I just wanted to know why you came back. Why did you let me ruin this one shot at happiness you had with Peggy? You had it all going for you, Steve. You went back to be with her, you could’ve fucking married her and had kids with her, for fuck’s sake. Why did you come back?”

He asked, voice slightly accusatory as he stepped closer to Steve slightly. 

He knew he begged Steve not to go but now that he thought about it, it was selfish and wrong of him. 

Steve frowned slightly, his brows furrowed as if he didn’t understand why Bucky would ask that. 

“I told you, she encouraged me to come back. We talked about it and she made me realize it’s you, Buck. It’s always been you.”

Steve whispered softly, his voice so serious and obvious, it made Bucky second guess himself. 

Bucky opened his mouth to talk but Steve stepped even closer, his large hands cupping Bucky’s face. 

“I love Peggy, I always will. She taught me a great deal and she always supported me, even when I was 90 pounds. She never treated me differently. Guy who went in the ice all those years ago, that was who belonged with Peggy. Guy who came out, he fought to keep you by his side, Buck.”

Bucky froze, speechless so Steve decided to continue,

“You’re the one that has always been by my side, since way before I even knew Peggy. You followed me all these years, stuck by me for a lifetime and you think I want to let that go? No, Bucky, I don’t. Leaving you was a mistake, I regret hurting you more than you know but if I hadn’t left, I never would have realized how much I need you with me. Not having you, losing you, well I’d rather go back in the ice time and time again than to ever feel that way again.”

Bucky felt his heart race at Steve’s words, his resolve breaking as Steve admitted all of this to Bucky. 

No matter what, Bucky and Steve belonged together. They were best friends before anything. They had always been  _ Steve and Bucky , inseparable since they were children.  _

“Steve....I just want to make sure you’re not risking your happiness to make me feel better. I was selfish to keep you from following your heart, for not supporting you fully and I’m sorry for that. I want you to be happy, that’s all I’ve ever wanted”

Bucky whispered, earning a soft chuckle from Steve. 

“I followed my heart, Buck. That led me right back to you. It’s always been you and I can’t forgive myself for being such a fucking idiot in the past. I didn’t realize how much I loved you but now that I know, I want to show you how much everyday. I want to wake up next to you everyday, to hold your hand wherever we go, to hold you when you have a nightmare and you need comfort. I want to be with you, forever, Bucky. I love you”

Steve whispered, earning a soft, shaky sigh from Bucky. 

Steve leaned his forehead against Bucky’s, their lips only inches away. 

“I love you too, Stevie. So much. You’re everything to me, and if you’re sure, then I want this too. I’ve always wanted you, punk”

He said, earning a soft laugh from Steve and a low ‘ _jerk_ ’ before he kissed Bucky’s forehead. 

They both looked at each other, looking straight into one another’s eyes before they felt that pull that always drew them close. 

Steve started leaning in, his eyes flicking down to Bucky’s red lips, before he stopped just an inch or two away from his lips, as if needing Bucky to make the decision. 

Bucky quickly pulled Steve in, kissing him deeply and passionately, years and years of pure love and longing finally reaching and breaking through the surface. 

Steve’s hands wandered down to Bucky’s hips as Bucky’s hands were wrapped around Steve’s neck, holding him close, as if scared to let him go. 

Steve’s beard felt heavenly against Bucky as they kissed and it made him even more crazy with want. 

He had been wanting Steve for years and now that he had him, he was never letting him go. 

Steve’s hands wandered slightly on Bucky’s back and up and down his hips, itching to just touch him all over, to grab onto him however he could. 

“ _Come home with me, Steve_ ”

Bucky whispered breathily against Steve’s lips, his hands grabbing at his exposed arms, desperate and needy. 

He was still sweaty from his workout but that didn’t stop Bucky at all from wanting the blond that much closer to him. 

Steve let out a shaky breath at how desperate Bucky sounded, how much he needed Steve. 

He looked up at the brunet and saw big grey blue eyes staring at him with pure lust and want. 

“Bucky, I don’t want to take advantage of this. I want you to be sure that you want this. I don’t want to rush you, rush this”

He whispered huskily, his body betraying his voice.

He wanted Bucky more than anything and would gladly give him anything he wanted but only if he was sure.

Bucky shook his head quickly, hands grabbing at Steve’s shirt to pull him impossibly closer. 

“I want this, Steve. I want you, always want you”

Bucky mumbled sweetly, making Steve nod gently. 

_Whatever Bucky wanted, so did Steve._

“Okay baby, lets go home then”

He whispered softly, making Bucky hum contentedly with a small smile before giving Steve another peck on the lips. 

“Let me just get all of my stuff and we can go, okay?”

He asked Bucky, earning a small nod from the brunet. 

He pulled away gently from Steve, eagerly going to Steve’s clothes to start packing them away. 

Steve watched him fondly, not understanding how someone could be so precious, so perfect. 

Everything about Bucky was perfect to Steve and he saw that now. Perhaps he always saw it but he was in denial about his feelings. Yeah, that seems about right. 

_Steve was a fucking idiot sometimes._

He joined Bucky in getting his things ready, desperately needing a shower before they got to Bucky’s place. 

“Is it okay if I shower before we head to your place? Feel all gross from my workout”

Steve asked, earning a small nod from Bucky. 

“Of course, whatever you want, Stevie”

He whispered softly, giving Steve a small genuine smile. 

Steve nodded, smiling before giving Bucky one last kiss then rushing to go shower. 

Bucky stayed packing for Steve, seeing the few things he had brought with him and actually taken out. 

Aside from a few items of clothing, he hadn’t really touched his bags. 

Bucky started gathering up the last of his clothes before he looked in the spare drawers that were on the dresser, seeing a large sketchbook and some pencils laying there. 

He slowly grabbed it, biting his lip before closing the drawer, sitting on the edge of the bed before slowly opening it up. 

It looked a bit beat up, obviously Steve had used it quite a bit. 

The first few pages were small sketches, little doodles of just random animals, landmarks, and of other things Bucky couldn’t quite pinpoint. 

He flipped a few pages before he saw a drawing of Peggy covering the whole page. It had been a while since he had even seen a picture of her or anything, other than Steve’s compass that held a picture of her but he managed to capture the shocking beauty of Peggy Carter in the drawing. 

Her soft looking curls to her big brown eyes, even her red lipstick, the shading made it clear she had on lipstick and Bucky remembered it very well. She was a gorgeous woman, wonderful through and through, so deserving of Steve. 

She always believed in him, even before the serum and that’s why Bucky respected her. She took care of Steve when Bucky couldn’t and he was eternally grateful for that. 

_She also wasn’t as damaged as me_ , he thought to himself. 

She could offer Steve so much more than Bucky could. He was just a walking, ticking time bomb. He still didn’t trust himself, even around Steve. Especially around Steve. 

He let out a shaky breath, trying to will his negative thoughts away before flipping to the next page. 

It was a drawing of Natasha, or Natalia as Bucky once knew her. She looked relaxed, like she was just sitting on the couch watching a tv show or something and he found the perfect moment to draw her beautiful features. 

She also could’ve been a good match for Steve, had Bucky and her not shared history in the past. 

He’s sure Steve wouldn’t be okay with doing anything with her had he known her and Bucky, or The Winter Soldier, were once involved. He’s sure he does know at this point. 

His memories were vague yet so clear all at once, and it confused the living hell out of him. 

He knew Steve missed Nat and in a way, so did Bucky. Bucky didn’t know her all that well, not the real Natasha, only parts of her, but her death still hurt him. 

He flipped over to the next page and saw a drawing of Tony, one of him wearing his Iron Man suit except for his helmet. His expression was serious, as if Steve was looking at him right after a mission and he decided to capture his concentrated face. 

Bucky knew Steve cared about Tony more than he let on, and that his and Nat’s death took a huge toll on him emotionally. 

Steve hated showing any sign of weakness, Bucky knew that much already so he never pressed him on it. He needed to make a mental note of telling him that he was there for him. 

Bucky’s only regret was that he couldn’t say how sorry he was to Tony before he passed away. It haunted Bucky, knowing Tony died with the worst thoughts imaginable against Bucky, even if Steve said he had forgiven the situation. 

He flipped over to the next page and it was a drawing of both of them, of Bucky and Steve laughing. It was from back in the war, from that clip in the museum. 

He remembered watching it back time and time again, just to see Steve’s smile. _That smile he loves so much._

His fingers lightly traced over Steve’s face in the drawing, his features still so perfect even through a pencil and paper. Well, when it was Steve drawing, it was always perfect. 

“That’s my favorite drawing I’ve done recently”

Steve whispered softly, startling Bucky because he hadn’t even heard him get out of the shower, too lost in the drawings to even notice. 

“Sorry, I found it and I couldn’t help but look at it”

Bucky mumbled, cheeks flushing slightly pink as Steve caught him. He felt like a child who was going to get scolded by his ma. 

“It’s okay, there’s nothing to hide, Buck. Take a look at them, I would’ve shown you sooner or later”

Steve said, voice soft and sweet as he shrugged it off, making sure Bucky didn’t think he was mad. 

He placed a reassuring hand on Bucky’s shoulder, before Bucky slowly closed the book and turned around, only to see Steve standing there with a towel around his waist, water droplets hitting his bare chest as he held another towel in his hands. 

_Holy fucking mother of—_

That man was a fucking Adonis, every line, dip and fucking freckle on him was perfect. 

Bucky was weak at the knees and he was fucking sitting down. 

Steve looked down, blushing slightly with a small shy smile on his face and it was then that Bucky realized he was staring at Steve. 

“I’m sorry, I- I just, _fuck Steve_ ”

He whispered, making Steve chuckle softly at that. 

“It’s okay, Buck. I don’t mind at all”

He whispered lowly, looking back up at Bucky and Bucky could swear that Steve’s eyes just got slightly darker. 

He stood up, walking over to Steve before standing in front of him, admiring every single inch of his body. 

Even before the serum, Bucky always found Steve beautiful. His small, dainty body, his soft fucking skin, his prominent collarbones that Bucky just wanted to nip at and lick. 

Even back then, Steve had an ass like a fucking peach. It took all of Bucky’s willpower to not rut against him when Steve would accidentally back up into Bucky as they slept. 

His small body pressed against Bucky’s half naked body, his leg draped over Bucky’s while he slept. _Fuck, Bucky missed that closeness._

He didn’t even realize he had gotten an erection, until Steve’s hands cupped his face. 

“Bucky, are you okay?”

He whispered lowly, biting his lip as he looked down at Bucky’s very obvious erection now. 

Bucky looked down, eyes widening slightly before he tried to adjust himself slightly. 

“Sorry, I- I let my mind wander. I’m sorry”

He whispered, so bashful and ashamed that it cause Steve to shake his head quickly. 

“No, don’t apologize. I like it”

He whispered huskily, and  _oh, Steve liked it_. 

“I was thinking about you, before the war. Before the serum, and how your body, even back then, was fucking perfect. You have no idea how many times I wanted to kiss you all over, Stevie. To make you feel good. To lick every inch of your body and to make you realize that you’re fucking beautiful to me. You always were. Those beautiful fucking baby blues, they stole my heart from the moment you looked into my eyes. I knew I was a goner when the love I have for you grew stronger and stronger every day”

Bucky whispered, his heart bare and open for Steve to see and to take. It was his, after all.  _Bucky was his._

“ _Bucky_...”

Steve whispered, so breathy and needy, that it made Bucky want to take him right there.

“Yeah?”

Bucky asked, his hand cupping Steve’s face now. 

“Kiss me, please fucking kiss me”

Steve whispered, needy, unabashed and desperate for Bucky at this point that he needed to  have him, in anyway Bucky wanted. 

He pressed his body flush against Bucky’s, Steve’s erection now pressing up against Bucky’s, causing them both to groan softly. 

Steve quickly unzipped Bucky’s jacket, pulling it off of him, and throwing it to the side. 

Their lips met in a sloppy and heated kiss, the desire and lust clear as fucking day as their tongues danced to see who the dominant one would be. 

It turned out to be Bucky, who took over, holding Steve’s head close as he kissed him, the blond letting out soft moans against his mouth. 

_Fuck, if that wasn’t the sexiest fucking thing Bucky had ever heard._

Bucky’s hands wandered down to Steve’s towel, slowly unwrapping it from around his waist, then dropping it, causing Steve’s erection to spring free. 

Bucky’s metal hand instantly went to Steve’s cock, making him hiss softly before letting out a moan that was fucking filthy. 

When Bucky went to remove the metal hand, Steve grabbed it and kept it there, shaking his head furiously. 

“Don’t stop, please Buck”

He whispered breathily, his tongue darting out to lick Bucky’s lips before sucking his bottom lip into his mouth, making Bucky moan softly. 

Bucky’s grip tightened slightly, his thumb rubbing up against the leaking tip, smearing the precum all over the head of his cock. 

Steve looked so fucking ruined already and they were just getting started. His blue eyes were glassy, his mouth parted slightly as he let out soft huffs and moans. 

“More, Bucky, please. More, need you”

Steve whispered, so sweetly that Bucky couldn’t deny him anything.

He pulled his hand away, spitting onto the palm of the vibranium hand before slicking Steve up with it, making him throw his head back as he moaned.

“So fuckin’ beautiful, Stevie. I’ll give you whatever you need, babydoll”

He whispered huskily, Steve moaning at the pet name Bucky gave him. 

“You like when I call you that, babydoll? So fuckin’ pretty, Stevie”

Bucky whispered, voice filled with lust as he started kissing down to Steve’s neck, making the blond moan loudly. 

_Fuck, so he was loud in bed._

Bucky mentally thanked whatever God made Steve Rogers for making him so fucking perfect.

“What do you want, baby? I’ll give you anythin’, all you gotta do is ask, babydoll”

Bucky muttered, his voice slightly muffled as he nipped and sucked on Steve’s neck, making him shiver and grab onto Bucky’s biceps tightly. 

“Mouth, Bucky. Need your mouth, please”

He whispered breathily, needy and whiny as Bucky fisted his cock in his hand, stroking him slowly, teasing him. 

“I got you, baby”

Bucky kissed his way down Steve’s chest, his mouth leaving open mouthed kissed along the way. 

His tongue flicked over his nipples, sucking on them gently, Steve moaning loud at the feeling as his chest shuddered slightly. 

_Fuck, what a fucking sight that was._

Bucky chuckled huskily before kissing his way down his torso then licking down past his belly button until he reached the small patch of golden hair right above his cock. 

He placed gentle kisses on that area, smelling how clean and musky he smelled, it was intoxicating. 

His flesh hand grabbed Steve’s cock, before he wrapped his lips around the head of it, suckling it gently to lick off the precum that gathered there. 

“ _Fuck_....”

Steve moaned, his voice so low and breathy, it made Bucky’s cock twitch slightly. 

He swirled his tongue over and around the tip of his cock, enjoying the taste on his tongue. It was slightly salty, earthy yet still sweet. It was like Steve, fucking perfect.

He started slowly bobbing his head, taking Steve’s length into his mouth, not quite taking it too deep before setting a pace. 

He wrapped his hand around whatever couldn’t fit into his mouth, soft slurping noises coming out of his mouth as he speed up, as soft breathy moans came out of Steve’s mouth. 

Bucky’s mouth was heaven on fucking earth for Steve. It was the best thing he had ever felt and he was addicted. 

His fingers went to Bucky’s head, fisting his hair gently as the brunet bobbed his head back and forth on his length. 

Bucky’s hands trailed to Steve’s ass, squeezing his firm cheeks before giving one of them a small slap, making Steve gasp and push into Bucky’s mouth further, making him gag slightly. 

Bucky held him close as his hands trailed on his ass, his dry finger slightly rubbing at Steve’s tight hole. That made Steve shiver slightly, his hole clenching around nothing, fluttering slightly as Bucky just traced over it gently. 

_Fuck, he couldn’t wait to bury his face in Steve’s ass._

He moved his hands to Steve’s hips and took all of his cock in his mouth, gagging softly before breathing out through his nose as best as he could. 

Steve already felt close and it was pathetic but it had been forever since he had last had an orgasm, and it had been years since he had someone’s mouth on him. 

“Bucky....’m gonna cum, fuck”

He whispered breathily, his voice dropping several octaves before his hands gripped Bucky’s hair tighter, trying to pull him off. 

Bucky let out a displeased grunt before slapping Steve’s hands away, bobbing his head faster, his mouth working Steve’s cock to orgasm. 

That was the most important thing to him right now, making Steve feel good. 

Steve let out a loud moan, unabashed and beautiful as he came deep inside of Bucky’s throat, causing the brunet to splutter slightly. 

Bucky looked up at Steve through it all, Steve’s eyes closed and his mouth parted open as he moaned and let out soft pants. 

He swallowed most of Steve’s cum, pulling off of his cock with a loud pop before wiping the corners of his mouth, collecting the leftover cum and licking it off of his fingers with a seductive gaze as he stared straight into Steve’s eyes. 

Fuck, that made Steve’s spent cock give a slight twitch of interest. 

Bucky gave his soft length a gentle kiss, making Steve practically purr at that. 

“You okay, Stevie?”

Bucky asked, voice now gruff and raspy. Fuck, he sounded wrecked and that made Steve crazy with want. 

He pulled Bucky up swiftly, pulling him in for a passionate kiss, Bucky moaning softly against the Captain’s lips. 

Once they pulled away, Steve opened his eyes to look at Bucky’s slightly glassy and dazed eyes. 

“I love you, Bucky”

Steve whispered gently, his voice sounding more sincere than anything Bucky had ever heard in his life. 

“I love you too, baby doll. My beautiful Stevie”

Bucky whispered, voice still gravelly and rough, making Steve sigh softly and contentedly. 

“Let’s go back to my place and finish up what we started here,  Captain ”

Bucky whispered huskily, Steve biting his lip gently before nodding with a small, fond smile on his lips. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave Comments, and Kudos if you enjoyed! Should I make the next chapter more smutty than this one? I have a few ideas but i’m not sure if you guys would want that. Either way, let me know in the comments. Also, for my next work, I’m thinking of starting a Smutty Fic Week thing. Maybe writing 7 smutty one shots and posting one each day for a week. Let me know if you guys would be interested in that and if so, what plots or kinks would you guys want to see most?


	6. Author’s Note

Should I continue with this fic or should I start writing another one? I’ve been thinking of writing a fic where Bucky and Steve are broken up and Bucky is dating someone else. Y’know, an angst filled fic. Either that, or smutty one shots. I have one almost complete but I’m drawing a blank on plot ideas for other ones. Leave me some suggestions please and let me know if the story idea sounds interesting. I wanna write something you guys will like!

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment and let me know what you think should happen next! Also, if you have any one shot recs for me, let me know. I want to start writing again. I’m open to writing Fluff, Smut, Angst, anything really.
> 
> Follow my tumblr @ HollowHeartsxx


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